For a long time, I believed that harassment of men by their wives was something that happened mostly in India. I used to think that only Indian women misused women-centric laws, that family laws were one-sided in favor of women, and that authorities like the police would automatically side with women in family disputes. In my mind, men were the ones arrested, abused, and blamed even when the woman was clearly at fault. I also believed that judges usually passed orders favoring women and that politicians made laws mainly for women, approving funds and benefits for them without much questioning.
Over time, I realized that this situation is not limited to India. It exists in other countries as well. Here in Australia, I sometimes feel the situation is just as bad, if not worse, though I haven’t seen extreme cases like women killing their husbands and hiding the bodies in blue drums with cement, as reported in some Indian cases.
One example that really opened my eyes is the marriage of my friend Jeremy and his wife Celine. They have been married for more than 20 years. Jeremy is always under stress and constantly on alert because Celine can explode in anger at any moment, often over her own mistakes. Her outbursts are unpredictable and emotionally exhausting.
Once, I was visiting them, and in the evening we were all cooking together. It was supposed to be a “men’s cooking day,” so I was helping Jeremy while Celine stayed around the kitchen. When the cooking was almost finished, Celine suddenly noticed that the exhaust fan above the cooking range was not switched on. She immediately started shouting at Jeremy, accusing him of burning the kitchen, blackening the walls with oil, and ruining the paint. She kept repeating that the kitchen had been painted just a few months earlier. She spoke as if she had done all the painting herself, even though in reality she mostly just chose the colors and hardly did any physical work.
The very next evening, the roles were reversed. I was helping Celine cook, and Jeremy was outside in the garden. Halfway through the cooking, Jeremy came inside, noticed that the exhaust fan was not switched on, quietly turned it on without saying a word, and went back outside. Celine noticed this and looked at me with a smile, almost teasingly, because she knew I had witnessed her shouting at Jeremy the previous day for the exact same mistake. When she made the mistake, it was nothing. When Jeremy made it, it became a reason for abuse. As usual, the expectation was that the man should ignore it, forget it, and move on—simply because she is a woman.
Celine is over 65 years old, and Jeremy is around 73. Jeremy wakes up every day at 6 a.m., while Celine usually wakes up around 9 a.m. As soon as Jeremy wakes up, he takes the dog out and feeds the chickens. They own about 20 acres of land—half of it is bushland, and the rest is divided between a vegetable garden and Celine’s flower garden. Most of the time, I see Celine listening to audiobooks or stories, browsing on her mobile phone, or occasionally going into her garden. Even there, she mostly trims the same dry leaves or flowers and then presents it as if she has done some huge, back-breaking work.
Another incident clearly shows the imbalance in their relationship. Once, Jeremy was painting the front exterior wall of their house. I often visit him to help whenever he needs assistance. Celine had already selected the paint colors—Jeremy had no say in it at all. The house is a Queenslander-style wooden house, with block sections on the upper part of the front wall. Jeremy painted according to what he remembered Celine had instructed: the ceiling in off-white and the blocks in white. We worked for almost four hours. During that entire time, Celine didn’t come outside even once to check the work or clarify anything, even though she knows Jeremy sometimes forgets details.
As soon as we finished and were talking outside, Celine came out, saw the painting, and immediately started shouting. She accused Jeremy of not remembering things properly or deliberately doing the opposite just to annoy her. She yelled that he had painted white where she said off-white and off-white where she said white, going on and on without stopping. It felt less like a genuine complaint and more like she was waiting for an opportunity to shout at him and humiliate him.
Jeremy lives under constant stress. He cannot leave her, even if he wants to. The situation in Australia is similar to India in this respect: after 20 years of marriage, Celine would get the house and a significant portion of the property. Jeremy knows this, and after spending his life earning and providing, he feels trapped—financially, legally, and emotionally—while she continues to enjoy the benefits of his hard work and money.