There is a single father in my neighbourhood who has custody of his two young boys, aged 11 and 14. Their mother is struggling with drug addiction, and the children are being raised by their father.
Some time ago, I spoke with this father. He told me that he was dating another woman—a single mother who had a 12-year-old daughter. He said that she had fought for and won custody of her daughter. I have also seen this woman smoking.
Recently, I witnessed something that made me think deeply about children, parenting and the responsibilities that come with bringing a child into this world.
Yesterday, I heard the couple arguing about the children. They were talking about how the children are growing and eating more food. Later, I saw the woman’s 12-year-old daughter eating dry slices of bread.
That sight disturbed me.
Children are growing human beings. As they grow, they naturally become hungrier. They need nutritious food, clothing, education, security and, above all, love. If parents are struggling to provide even basic food for their children, one has to ask a difficult question: Why bring children into the world if we are not prepared to take responsibility for them?
These are Australian children.
I come from India, where my experience of family life has been very different. I never remember going to bed hungry because my parents somehow managed to feed us, even when there was very little available. Parents often sacrificed their savings, their comfort and even their own needs to feed their children and educate them.
There was an understanding that raising children was not simply about bringing them into the world. It was a lifelong responsibility.
And there was also an understanding that family responsibility went both ways.
In India, traditionally, many parents spend their entire lives investing in their children’s education and future. When those parents become old, their children are expected to remember that sacrifice and care for them in return.
Australia and many Western countries have developed government and social systems to support people in old age. This is undoubtedly a great social achievement. But I sometimes wonder whether, in building systems to protect individuals, we have also weakened some of the traditional sense of responsibility between generations.
I have heard elderly parents sadly say that their children no longer visit them. Some say their children do not even call once a year—not even on their birthday or on a special occasion.
That raises another uncomfortable question:
Is abandonment in old age sometimes the consequence of what happens during childhood?
Can the way parents treat their children when they are young eventually influence the relationship those children have with their parents when they grow older?
Of course, not every case of an estranged family can be blamed on the parents. Children grow into independent adults, make their own decisions and sometimes behave unfairly despite having loving parents. There are also situations involving abuse, addiction, mental illness and other serious problems where separation may be necessary.
But children should never become weapons in disputes between adults.
One of the most disturbing things I have witnessed is the way some separated parents seem to use children as a means of taking revenge on one another. When relationships break down, the children can become trapped in the middle.
A father and mother may hate each other, but the child is not responsible for their failed relationship.
A child should not be deprived of food because the parents are angry.
A child should not be emotionally manipulated because one parent wants revenge against the other.
A child should not have to choose between mother and father.
And no child should have to wonder whether there will be enough food at home.
I have also seen situations where teenagers are effectively pushed out of their homes when they are barely 15 or 16 years old, expected to survive before they are emotionally or financially ready to live independently.
We often talk about children’s rights, and rightly so. But perhaps we also need to talk more about parental responsibility.
Having a child is not simply a biological event. It is a commitment that lasts for decades.
Children did not ask to be born.
They did not choose their parents.
They did not choose whether their parents would marry, separate, fight, smoke, drink, use drugs, struggle financially or take each other to court.
They simply arrive in this world—and they depend completely on adults to protect them.
That is why the question that concerns me is much bigger than one family or one neighbourhood.
Where have we gone wrong?
Have we become so focused on adult rights, adult relationships and adult conflicts that we sometimes forget the innocent human beings standing in the middle?
Government assistance can provide money. Courts can decide custody. Social services can intervene. Schools can provide education. Charities can provide food.
But none of these can completely replace what a child needs most: responsible parents who genuinely care.
Perhaps the real measure of a society is not how wealthy it is, nor how advanced its government systems are.
Perhaps it is how well it protects its children.
And perhaps the greatest responsibility of every parent is not simply to give a child life, but to give that child a life worth living.
This is where I believe the world has gone wrong.